Saturday, August 16, 2014
I was really captivated by the rich history of the Jewish people. I had always been fascinated by the strength of spirit and the resiliency that has been demonstrated by the Jewish people time and time again in their history.
Deep down, under the surface, and unbeknownst to even myself, my study of this history was motivated by a desire to know and understand the religion that Jesus practiced to better understand the New Testament. In the 10 years I studied Judaism in depth, I learned more about Catholicism and the origins of certain parts of the Roman Catholic mass than I ever did in catechism classes. I wasn't searching to get to know Jesus. I wanted out of the Roman Catholic church. I was bothered by politics within the parish I had grown up attending. I wanted to be Jewish. I wanted to distance myself from everything Roman Catholic, and yet, I kept being drawn back.
The past six years, I've been wavering... back and forth. I wanted to go back to the Roman Catholic church, but I was afraid of admitting that... not just to everyone who hated that I left the church (I didn't want to hear "I told you so!") but also, to myself. I didn't want anyone to think that that my study of Judaism was 'about a boy.' It wasn't. It was more than that. It was me getting to know how my Savior, Jesus Christ, lived his life 2000 years ago, and yes, Jesus was male, so maybe it was 'about a boy' but not the one everyone thought.
I dreaded what I would have to do to return to the church: Confession.
Confession was what I needed most. I needed an unburdening that was personal and between me and my God, and I needed forgiveness and absolution for my abandonment of the church. I never really understood confession before. I never had a real good experience and I never had a confessor make me feel so comfortable as when I made my full confession to return to the church. I truly felt as if I had come home, the prodigal daughter of the church.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
We celebrated Asher on Saturday with a barbecue... or as the Southerners refer to it, a "Cookout." Jonathan was grateful for the excuse to splurge on a brand new big Weber smoker. He used it to cook pork & brisket. We commissioned a friend to make a gorgeous cake to match a wrap I frequently nurse Asher in. Jonathan also grilled peaches I bought fresh from the Farmer's market. I hope everyone had a good time. One skill I have not completely mastered is being able to be the hostess, circulate, prep food, watch the kids, cleanup, and not feel dizzy at the end.
Thank You to everyone who helped.
l can't believe Asher will be three months old on Thursday. Where did the time go? l have to find a way to stop comparing Asher & Lucie because they are two different children... However, that is why there is SO much to compare. Asher is much bigger than Lucie was at this age. She was formula fed, so perhaps my breastmilk is exceeding my expectations since I have a history of growth hormone deficiency and I was unsure my pituitary gland would produce the prolactin needed to produce milk.
In the last 2 months, I have been less shy about feeding him publicly, although I do experience moments where feelings of modesty sometimes stand in my way. I read somewhere that Pope Francis is pro-breastfeeding. This is probably the only reason these feelings don't take over in church. Jesus was breastfed afterall...
I also wear Asher more than I did Lucie because I know more about baby wearing than I did before.
Lucie has become... no... blossomed! Into the most amazingly helpful big sister, even if she did revert to the pacifier and take a few steps backwards in potty training. It's okay.
I also learned I need wayyyy more sleep than ever. So... I will end this here with a few photos ,
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Asher was doing so well, the neonatologist let him come home on Monday! It has been a definite transition as he has his days and nights mixed up and wants to eat all night long, but we are so excited to have him here, home where he belongs!